You think you are a career driven woman and you have your career path all figured out until you become a mom.
While not everyone has the same experience when it comes to maternity leave, one thing is certain, you are not the same person when the time comes to return to work as you were when you started. Here, in Canada, a maternity leave can go up to 50 weeks. That is a long time! Many things change during that time.
In my case, I had back to back maternity leaves keeping me away from the professional world for over two years. As the time approached to return to the workforce, I felt like I was riding an emotional rollercoaster daily. Part of me was happy and excited to be returning to work as I would be engaging in adult conversation and I thought I would feel like my “old self” again. The other part was fearing that maybe that “old self” had been lost and that I had lost value not being able to keep up with the business. But the biggest emotion I felt was sadness as I would be forced to hand over my kids to a stranger (a.k.a daycare educator) with whom they would spend more waking hours than with me.
Re-Entering the “Adult World”
I had a love-hate relationship with the idea of going back to work, but one of the best feelings was the idea that I would be re-entering the “adult-world”. Spending my days changing diapers, singing the ABCs and worrying about the next feeding were less than fulfilling. Don’t get me wrong, spending time with my kids was the most rewarding thing ever but the routine that comes along with it can get mind numbing.Everyday was the same routine.
When the time came to get back to work, I was excited about wearing something other than Lululemon yoga pants and being able to engage in stimulating conversation that didn’t revolve around baby related things. For 8 hours of the day, I would worry only about myself (that’s only partially true because we always worry about our kids).
Feeling of Inadequacy – Get Over it!
Leading up to the end of my maternity leave, I had anxiety and fear that I would not be at the same level as I was when I left for my leave. Being “out of the game” for so long made me feel like I was out of touch, not capable and expired, for lack of a better term. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up and that I would have forgotten all the skills I acquired over the years. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Returning to the workforce was like riding bike. I picked up where I left off and getting back in it made me feel refreshed with a new sense of purpose. In my situation, I had decided not to return to the organization I was originally working for which made the whole experience even more stressful but I survived! I always reminded myself that if I can get through childbirth, I can get through anything!
The Guilt of Childcare – Overrated
It’s incredible to think that my children spend more time with the daycare educator than with me. They are at daycare for up to 8 hours and only 4 hours with me at home on a weekday. At first I thought that I was failing as a mother and that I was neglecting my role as a caregiver to my kids. I had a fear that they would see the educator more as parent than me. I quickly realized that I was wrong.
Being at daycare allowed my little ones to develop a sense of autonomy and develop character by being around other kids and not necessarily always having an adult hover over them. At the end of the day, the educator cannot replace you as a parent because they are not able to give them full-time one-on-one attention and love a parent would, but they do get stimulated by learning through play and having a routine. My kids look forward to going to daycare and I am reassured of my decision of being a working mom every time I pick them and they argue that they don’t want to leave.
Below are some great posts that helped me prepare for the challenges of balancing work and home life as I returned to work.
- Going Back to Work After Baby
- 9 Secrets for a Successful Return to Work After Maternity Leave
- Returning to Work After Maternity Leave
Gone are the days where most families were single income homes with a stay at home my mom. I grew up in that type of household and I had trouble envisioning what my new reality would be as a working mom of two. But I now know that being a working mom is not a bad thing and that everything works itself.
What was the hardest part for you when you had to go back to work?
From Diapers to Runners 
My experience was very different. In Jamaica, maternity leave is 3 months so if I was working at the time I would have had to go back to work pretty early. Shortly after I gave birth I went on an internship followed by my master’s degree. I was distracted by that so to spend time with the boys I would try to incorporate them into my study time. What saved me was that I had family support so there was no need for day-care. They had a good babysitter and my parents were nearby so I always had them as back-up. I think my boys learned their autonomy because I was always so distracted and often had to incorporate them into my routine rather than me fitting into theirs. There were days when I could and did give them quality time but often my attention had to be split. So, I guess they learned to lean on each and survive on their own. Looking at them now, I do wish I had spent more time with them but they didn’t turn out badly; they have grown into happy and balanced children.
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